Driving is a privilege for teenagers, and sometimes that privilege can be fatal. Car fatalities result in 36% of teenage deaths. That’s more than 5,000 teen deaths a year, and roughly 400,000 are severely injured (Car-accidents.com). Out of all car crashes, 12.9% are by drivers ages 16- 20 (rmiia.org). How can the United States government let this happen? If states just created stricter laws for teenage drivers, all these statistics would decrease. States can increase the penalties and fines of all the illegal actions teenage drivers commit. For examples, if you are caught text messaging or talking on the phone, you should get a fine of $500 and get your license suspended for one month. If you are driving under the influence, you should be given a fine of $2,500 and get your license revoked for 12 months. If you are speeding, you should be given a fine of $250 and depending on how fast you are going your license should be taken away. For every 5 mph you are over, your license should be suspended an extra month. With these laws in place, it would put a sense of fear in teenage drivers and they will stop performing illegal actions.
Many believe that strict laws already exist, and they didn’t help before, how would it help this time. Even if states create stricter laws, it should be for all drivers not just for teens. Adults break the laws just like teens do and if the laws are changed, then they should be equal. A lot of people complain that teens are inexperience drivers that are just reckless. But, how can they be experience drivers with all these laws are preventing them to drive. With all these laws being created it will just put fear in teen drivers, which would just make them worse drivers. Grace H., a teen for Louisville stated “If you want to put a ban on something that distracts people from driving, you might as well ban everything that could be considered a distraction like [passengers] or food.” On the other hand, stricter laws are just necessary for teens because teenage drivers are 4 times more likely to get in a car accident then all other drivers (car-accidents.com).
Speeding plays a major factor of teenage fatalities. In a survey that conducted 1,000 teens, 69% said that they speed to keep up with traffic and 64% say they speed to run a yellow light (rmiia.org). That just proves that teens make reckless decisions, which increase the percentage of getting into an accident. They also drink and drive, which is the worse thing anyone can do. In a survey done by US TODAY, 50% of teenager say they see other teens drink and drive, which results in 23% of all teenage automobile deaths (car-accidents.com). Recently, the cell phone has increased the cause of teenage fatalities. Seventeen states, including Washington D.C. have passed a bill banning and restricting the use of the cell phone for teenage drivers 18 and under (“cell phone+ teen driver= danger?”). Governor Schwarzenegger from California was quoted saying “The simple fact is that teenage drivers are more easily distracted.” In a study of teenage driving, when a teen uses their cell phone 53.8% of the time they cross the line on the road. Kelly R., a teen driver of Reno, Nev., said texting is a big distraction, “I actually tried it once while driving and got honked at because my head was looking practically at my feet.”
With stricter laws in place for teen drivers, the number of teen fatalities would decrease. With harsh fines and stricter penalties, a sense of fear would be placed in the minds of teenage drivers that would prevent them from committing unlawful actions. Teens need to be taught a lesson, and unless they experience consequences for their actions they will never learn.
Alexia M.
ReplyDelete1. What do you think this essay will be about?
Teenage Driving.
What position is the writer taking?
That the laws for teenage driving should be more strict.
How does the introduction try to “hook” your attention?
By using facts and statistics.
Make some specific suggestions for trying to improve this introduction.
The part where you said that "When a parent hands their child the keys to the car, the first thing that pops in their head is if they are ever going to see them again." isn't that something parents don't think about, maybe they should think of that and they should try showing their kids how to be more responsible and careful.
2. He says that many teenage drivers speed up in order to go through a yellow light and to keep up with traffic, he uses statistics on how many die from speeding. Another thing that makes them reckless drivers is by drinking and driving. He says that teenagers are easily distracted for example from cell phones, he supports this by mentioning a study that was conducted. Many accidents happen between 3 p.m. and midnight. Stricter laws would decrease accidents.
3. I didn't find any counter arguments.
4. How well does the writer deal with the opposition?
He doesn't give any counter arguments.
What is the writer’s strongest point and why?
I think the statistics help his essay a lot, because they show the reality of teenage driving and its effects.
What is the writer’s weakest point and why? Should it be eliminated? Strengthened? Replaced with something else? Make specific suggestions for revision.
He needs to give more counter-arguments, needs to show what the teenagers think, their point of view, maybe what do parents think also. It needs to be strengthened.
Are the points of the argument organized in the most effective manner? If not, suggest a more strategic order.
Try to make full paragraphs of your argument, for example your first to last paragraph isn't really a paragraph give more examples and more of the counter argument.
Try to come up with at least one more strong point that supports the viewpoint the writer is taking and would strengthen the essay.
How about raising the permit age and the laws for permits, because many teenagers think that once they have their permit they can do whatever they like.
Now try to come up with at least one more counterargument that the author has not addressed. Suggest ways to include this in the essay.
Many teenage drivers would hate having a curfew. I know I would and I'm still 18. What are the benefits of this ? There many instances where maybe a teenager will have to be on the road between those hours, like coming home from school or work.
5.In order to reduce the leading cause of teenage death, reckless driving, stricter laws should be applied.
6. Laws for teenage driving should be stricter to decrease the leading cause of teenage death.
Laws for teenage driving should be more strict, in order to decrease the leading cause of teenage death.
38% of male teen deaths are by speeding.
You should add it to another sentence, because you should start with just a number.
7. Use the statistics but also explain them, why would they occur, how does it happen..
1. A. Enforcing strict laws on teenage driving.
ReplyDeleteB. The writer wants to implement stricter punishments.
C. The statistics of deaths of reckless teens.
D. I wouldn’t change much in the introduction, except for maybe the “coincidentally” because…is it really a coincidence that people talk on phone and cause accident, then a law bans it?
2. –Teens are easily distracted.
- They are too fearless when driving.
- They are not concerned about the safety of others.
3. –People already feel that the laws are strict enough.
- Laws should be for everyone not just teens.
4. A. The writer effectively defends his point of view from opposition by the usage of “ Teen drivers are four times more likely to get in a car accident then all other drivers (car-accidents.com). ”
B. Your strongest points are what you think should be done to make driving safer.
C. The weakest point was the fifth paragraph. It’s good for the statistics; try to add more information.
D. The paper is pretty well organized; I’d keep the same order.
E. You can also add that teens are reckless because some are lucky enough to have parents that are willing to fix any mistake they make, but having the police take away driving privileges affect them more.
F. How is using a GPS system different from texting?
5. Teenage driving laws should be stricter in order to reduce the rate of death of teenage drivers.
6. This sentence does not make sense alone: With drinking comes stupidity, 74% of teens who drink and drive (car-accidents.com).
Try combining it with the previous one: 24% of male deaths are a result of drinking and driving (car-accidents.com). With drinking comes stupidity, 74% of teens who drink and drive (car-accidents.com).
Twenty- four percent of male deaths is the result of drinking and driving; with drinking comes stupidity, 74% of teens who drink and drive…[what?]
This is not clear: If you are speeding, you should be given a fine of $750 and depending on how fast you are going your license should be taken away. For every 5 mph you are over, your license should be suspended an extra month.
If it’s taken away, how can it be suspended?
7. – Write out numbers
- Try not to start sentences with percentages/numbers. i.e “Seventeen states” rather than “17 states”
- Space out the paragraphs so it is easier to read.
1. A. The looseness of teen driving laws and why they should be made stricter.
ReplyDeleteB. For stricter teen driving laws.
C. The introduction "hooked" my attention because it had so much statistics.
D. "When a parent hands their child the keys to the car, the first thing that pops in their head is if they are ever going to see them again." Expand more by adding parent's view and opinions.
2. The biggest cause of teenage death is car accidents.
3. If stricter laws are to be made, they should apply to every driver, regardless of age.
4. A. The writer points out that teenagers are more easily distracted and that they are more likely to get into an accident.
B. Your strongest point is your research. It all helps support your thesis.
C. Your weakest point is the lack of clarity. Cell phones are also used by adults. Adults also drink.
D.I believe the points of the argument are organized.
E. It gives parents a sense of comfort and reassurance.
F. Teenagers are inexperienced. It is expected that inexperienced drivers will be reckless at first.
5. Teen driving laws should be stricter to reduce the death rate of teenage drivers caused by car accidents.
6. "This is because, teenage drivers are not intelligent enough to avoid hazardous situation and put themselves in danger." Do you mean out of danger? "With drinking comes stupidity, 74% of teens who drink and drive." This sentence makes no sense.
7. Skip a line between every paragraph to make things a bit clearer. It was hard for me to read.
1.A. Teenage driving laws
ReplyDeleteB. Against Teenage Driving
C. The introduction tries to catch my attention from all the statistics about teenage driving laws.
D. The introduction is fine overall; it lets the reader know what your essay will be about. The thesis is short and straight to the point.
2.Arguments:
- you state the percentages of teenage car deaths
- states some results from surveys about teenagers speeding to catch up with traffic.
- Survey on teenagers who drink and drive.
3.Counterarguments
- didn’t find any counterarguments
4.A. there isn’t any counterarguments.
B. your strongest point that you have enough information to prove your point.
C. Your weakest point would be that even though you have enough information you need to spread it out and not just bundle it up.
D. I believe they are ordered from least to most effective.
E. What about the number of people new teenager drivers is allowed to have in the car while they are driving? Personally, when I drive the more friends the crazier it gets…
F. One counterargument could be (I’m not sure if you’ll agree) but is if you think about it.. the only way these teenage drivers are going to be experienced in driving if you continue letting them drive and not limit them from an adult driver.
5. “Laws for teenage driving should be stricter to decrease the leading cause of teenage death.”
6. The thesis sentence is good.
7. - you need to space your paragraphs out…..
- your topic sentence “The stupidest thing teenage drivers do, is drink and drive.” I’m not sure if you want to use the word“ stupidest in an essay
8. 1. “By getting their license at a young age, teenage drivers (ages 15- 19) do not fully understand the responsibility of driving and are therefore reckless drivers.”
- It would be better if you said “…and therefore are reckless drivers…”.
Ariella Aghalarian
ReplyDelete1. A) the essay will be about teenage driving
B) He thinks that the laws for teenage driving should be stricter.
C) By choosing a topic that directly affects of his audience.
D) Take out coincidently part- doesn’t make sense.
2. Arguments:
➢ Teenagers are reckless drivers
➢ Get distracted easily
➢ Feel that they are invincible
3. Counterarguments
➢ Put a ban on a distractions then you should put a ban on all distractions
➢ People think laws are already strict enough
➢ You cant just put laws for teens
4. A) touches upon counterarguments but doesn’t really work well enough in his favor
B) Strongest point: his statistics help show the reality of the situation
C) Weakest point: doesn’t have strong counterarguments
D) Give more of the teenagers and parents points of view and add more counterarguments.
E) Stricter laws are needed because many kids will not get the point unless they experience consequences for heir actions.
F) There are already so many laws that are not strictly followed- what’s the point of making it stricter if it just will stay the same?
5. It’s perfect.
6. When a parent hands their child the keys to the car, the first thing that pops in their head is if they are ever going to see them again. Revised: Parents often worry when their children take the wheel.
That is ridiculous, just to keep up with traffic, or to run a light when you’re supposed to be slowing down, they put a high percentage of getting into an accident.
Revised: is proves that teenagers make reckless decisions such as running lights or speeding up to keep up with traffic, increasing the amount of accidents.
7. Take out The stupidest thing teenage drivers do, is drink and drive, find a different way to say it like the decision to drink and drive is the most consequential of all.
Try to find a way to take some of your statistics out- just keep the ones that really matter. Put more counterarguments.
1) A. Teenage driving laws
ReplyDeleteB. He is for increasing the severity of teenage driving laws to decrease the number of teenage driving accident related deaths.
C. Teenage driving accidents are a serious issue in the United States. The topic itself captivates the interest of the reader.
D. He mentions all of the most common teenage driving accidents but if he could include a few general statistics it would not only make the introduction more interesting, it would help the reader put the severity of the problem in perspective.
2) States should increase penalties for teens who break driving laws to decrease willingness to engage in dangerous behaviors while driving.
He states specific fine increases based on the law broken (including speeding, drunk driving, and text messaging).
Teen drivers (because of their youth and inexperience) tend to drive recklessly by breaking the speed limit often in an attempt to make a yellow traffic light.
The most common time for accidents to occur is between 3pm and midnight.
Teenage drivers are easily distracted by their electronics and the need to show off.
3) Laws are already strict enough and because they haven’t been effective it cannot be proved that increasing penalties and punishments will help decrease driving accidents.
Adults break the same laws teens do therefore laws should be changed to encompass all drivers and not just single out teenagers.
How can teenagers develop into experienced drivers when lawmakers are doing everything they can to keep them off the roads?
Everything is a distraction for a driver – not just texting or talking.
4) A. He deals with opposition incredibly well by devoting a whole paragraph of his essay to addressing the opposition and then using the last sentence to negate these arguments in favor of his paper’s overall argument.
ReplyDeleteB. he writer’s strongest point is that teenagers are more likely to drive recklessly because they have distractions adults may not necessarily have or give in to. Teens text and talk on their cell phones more than most adults and they are more likely to speed or drive under the influence because of the sense of invincibility most of them possess.
C. The writer’s weakest point is that your essay is full of statistics and facts but there may not be enough of an argument for those who aren’t swayed by numbers. Teen driving statistics are constantly being presented through the media by various nationwide and statewide campaigns yet with all of the teen-driving related deaths that take place ever year its obvious these campaigns have very little effect.
D. If the arguments were set up so that each of his arguments followed a counterargument it would get the point of the paper across better. Also all the statistics, facts and quotes make the paper stronger but they should be more spread out in order to avoid losing reader interest.
E. Even with a driver’s license new teen drivers should not be allowed to drive at certain times (late at night/early in the morning). They also should not be allowed to drive with more than one passenger under the age of 19 – the younger the passengers the more likely the driver will be encouraged to do something reckless or won’t be reprimanded for attempting to drive under the influence.
F. With the cell phone bans that are already in place 1/5th of ‘experienced’ drivers get into accidents based on cell phone distractions (such as talking or texting). More teen drivers get into these type of accidents yet if people who are supposed to know how to drive well still get distracted and have accidents imposing stricter laws on teens won’t affect the adults who should be penalized as well.
5) The thesis statement is already well worded and concise. Having it placed at the beginning of the essay is a great choice and I have no suggestions for improving it.
6) ‘With all these laws being created it will just put fear in teen drivers, which would just make them worse drivers’ Revised: Increasing the severity of driving laws for teenagers will make them nervous enough to decrease the quality of their driving.
‘The just proves that teens make reckless decisions, which increase the percentage of getting into an accident.’ Revised: These statistics support the idea that teenagers make reckless decisions, which increase their chances of getting into an accident.
7) Try to have each paragraph start with a sentence that sums up what you will be discussing to give the reader a way to keep your arguments organized while they go through your essay.
Argumentative Research Essay Evaluation Points
ReplyDelete1.
A. Teenage Driving Laws
B. For stricter laws
C. Using fear and seriousness of the topic
D. Some more statistics on death rates would help reinforce the fear and idea that reform is needed
2. Car accidents are the leading cause of teenage death.
3. Teenagers feel they are old enough and responsible yet 69% of them admit to speeding and there are 5000 deaths a year.
4.
A. Deals well with opposition by using statistics.
B. Teenagers are reckless and do many illegal actions. Therefore they need to feel the pain of higher penalties.
C. Not sure. The points mentioned seem well enforced.
D. The order is good.
E. By raising the age of driving it gives teenagers more time to mature. This reform would decrease car accidents.
F. While raising the age may just be considered postponing the inevitable recklessness, social backgrounds define this recklessness. In a college where these childish habits are not tolerated there would be a decrease in desires for speeding or texting.
5. Thesis seems very clear so should be left alone.
6.
They commit unlawful actions like text messaging, talking on the phone, speeding, not wearing a seat belt, and driving under the influence, while putting both their lives and lives of others in danger
They commit unlawful actions like text messaging, talking on the phone, speeding, not wearing a speed belt, and driving under the influence. By doing so they are putting their lives and lives of others in danger.
7. The essay is good. All the possible arguments are listed. However, the reform aspect could be expanded on a little bit.
1
ReplyDelete- Argumentive essay against teen driving, and increasing penalty for illegal actions.
-That the laws for teenage driving should be more strict.
-Use of interesting facts and statements like, With stricter laws in place for teenage driving, more teenage lives and lives of others would be saved.
-Some more statistics on death rates would help.
2
-More prone to accidents at a younger age.
-Would greater benefit from stricter laws with a larger penalty.
-Everything is well a "distraction"
3
-You wanna make stricter laws against teenage drivers, but what about adults. Im sure plenty of adults are as guilty as the rest.
4-
-Deals well with opposition by using statistics.
-Teenagers are reckless and do many illegal actions. Therefore they need to feel the pain of higher penalties.
-Points very clear.
-Order is well organized.
-By raising the age of driving it gives teenagers more time to mature. This reform would decrease car accidents.
-Teenagers are inexperienced. It is expected that inexperienced drivers will be reckless at first. However, you have to let the bird out of it's nets eventually.. My question is when?
5
-Thesis well stated.
7-The essay is good. All the possible arguments are listed.
1
ReplyDelete-This essay will be about teenage driving
-It s pretty obvious that his first sentence says laws for teenage driving should be stricter.
-The introduction hooks my attention by expose unlawful actions that teenage driver committing and are they dangerous.
-It's fine
2
-Teenage drivers do not fully understand the responsibility of driving and are therefore reckless drivers.
-If states just created stricter laws for teenage drivers, all these statistics would decrease.
-Teenage drivers commit unlawful actions like text messaging, talking on the phone, speeding, not wearing a seat belt, and driving under the influence, while putting both their lives and lives of others in danger.
3
-Many believe that strict laws already exist, and they didn’t help before, how would it help this time.
-With all these laws being created it will just put fear in teen drivers, which would just make them worse drivers.
4
A-The writer deals with opposition well.He used evidence from victims to against counterarguments and it works very effectively.
B-His strongest point:He used a lot of statistics to support his argument and after the statistics he showed the sources for the data to increase our beliefs.
C-His weakest point is that he used too many statistics.
D-The points of the argument organized well.
E-Numerious teeangers drive because they think is a cool thing. This mental disorder creats many problems with the vehicle he/she is in.
F-Many teeangers drive safely due to high insurance rate when they first got their license. I think this is a good counterargument.
5
limitations on teenage driving.U would not only focus on laws to write this topic,there are many other way you can use like rise teenage driver's insurance.
6
Many believe that strict laws already exist, and they didn’t help before, how would it help this time. Even if states create stricter laws, it should be for all drivers not just for teens.
7
too many data, less example.
Jessica You
ReplyDelete1A) I think this essay will be about how the laws are not strict enough for teenagers who are driving. And that they're the leading cause of teenage death. Doing reckless unlawful things such as texting while driving. Or driving drunk.
1B) The writer is taking the position of enforcing stricter laws on teenage driving.
1C) The intro hooks attention because he puts the leading cause of teenage death to attention. He also says that there are already laws for it, but they're not strict enough to ensure much consequence and protection.
1D) I think it's perfect.
2) Arguments to support the thesis:
*There are already laws but should be made stricter.
*Teenagers text while drive, putting less focus on the road.
*They drink under influence, resulting in more risk of accident.
*Many teens speed to run a yellow light.
3) Counterarguments:
*Many believe strict laws already exist.
*Not just teens, but everyone else too.
4A) The writer did well, he backed up his reasons.
4B) The writer's strongest point is that he put statistics about how teenagers are more likely to get into accidents, due to their recklessness.
4C) The writer's weakest point is not enough counterarguments...
4D) Yes.
4E) I think he has good amount of info on this.
4F) Another counterargument would be that for starting off drivers around the age of 16-20, the insurance is pretty costly. I don't think they'd drive reckless having this in mind.
5) thesis-statement: I think his is really good enough. It's a strong and stable introduction.
6) "Many believe that strict laws already exist, and they didn’t help before, how would it help this time."
[revised] Many believe that strict laws already exist; and if they didn't help before, how would it help this time?
"Speeding plays a major factor of teenage fatalities."
I think you should replace "of" with "in"
7) Check for the little grammatical errors and make a stable concluding paragraph. Otherwise is all good.
1. Introduction
ReplyDelete- The essay will be about laws related to teenage driving
- Writer’s position: Current teenage driving laws should be strengthened and enforced
- The writer hooks attention by giving examples of unlawful acts that teenagers engage in while driving
- The introduction is well written. The only thing that you should do is remove “however” from the sentence “ However, laws already exist to prevent…”.
2. Supporting arguments
- Teenagers engage in dangerous and reckless behavior
- Stricter laws would save many lives
3. Counter arguments
- Strict laws already exist
- Driving laws should be the same for both teenagers and adults
4. A. The opposition is mentioned but is not countered
B. The writer’s strongest point is showing that stricter laws would reduce the number of teenage deaths by giving lots of statistics
C. The weakest point is mentioning the opposition but not countering it
D. I think you can break up the first paragraph in 2 separate paragraphs – mention the laws and new penalties that you want to be enforced as a second paragraph and put It somewhere near the end of the essay
E. There could be significant revenue from tickets issued to reckless teenage drivers
F. Cant think of any
5. The thesis statement is great as it is now. It is short and straightforward
6. “Driving is a privilege for teenagers, and sometimes that privilege can be fatal.”
Change to: “Driving is a privilege for teenagers, but sometimes that privilege can be fatal.”
“Many believe that strict laws already exist, and they didn’t help before, how would it help this time.”
Change to: “Some argue that strict laws that exist already aren’t effective; new laws wouldn’t help either” (I think that’s what you’re trying to say. Also, that could be a counterargument)
7. “Speeding plays a major factor of teenage fatalities” change “plays” to “is”. The essay is overall well-written. All that you need to do is counter the opposition.